Today I'm going to talk about suicide. There has been lots of suicide cases these days. Not only in our country but in other country also. I heard this morning that there's a girl in Kota Bharu tried to commit suicide at the mall yesterday but got safe.
But I don't want to talk about her. I want to talk about me myself. Its been about 2 or 3 weeks that I've suffered from stress. Stress is really not a joke. I don't know why should I feel stress. There is no concrete reason to be stress out though.
Yesterday, I burst out on my way home. Feeling hopeless, useless and lonely. I cried a lot these days. It feels like everything that I do ain't right. Forced to do something that I don't want to, something that I don't have skill into. Makes me feel down.
I want to go to a psychiatrist but I can't because I don't know what my problem is exactly. Nowadays, its hard to do work even it was a simplest thing to do. I don't feel energize to do neither work nor assignment.
Last night, I commited suicide in my dream. I ran away from something or someone (I'm not sure, but its more like few people), and lastly decided to end my life by jumping out from the top of a block.
When I fell on the ground (it does feel hurt even it was a dream-my head, my chest), I was still concious. I felt regreted for doing so and at the end I just resignedly for being dead. Then I woke up. Astagfirullahalazim !
Ya Allah, don't make me think about it at all. I'm afraid. T__T