Suicide

Today I'm going to talk about suicide.  There has been lots of suicide cases these days.  Not only in our country but in other country also.  I heard this morning that there's a girl in Kota Bharu tried to commit suicide at the mall yesterday but got safe.

But I don't want to talk about her.  I want to talk about me myself.  Its been about 2 or 3 weeks that I've suffered from stress.  Stress is really not a joke.  I don't know why should I feel stress.  There is no concrete reason to be stress out though.

Yesterday, I burst out on my way home.  Feeling hopeless, useless and lonely.  I cried a lot these days.  It feels like everything that I do ain't right.  Forced to do something that I don't want to, something that I don't have skill into.  Makes me feel down.

I want to go to a psychiatrist but I can't because I don't know what my problem is exactly.  Nowadays, its hard to do work even it was a simplest thing to do.  I don't feel energize to do neither work nor assignment. 

Last night, I commited suicide in my dream.  I ran away from something or someone (I'm not sure, but its more like few people), and lastly decided to end my life by jumping out from the top of a block.

When I fell on the ground (it does feel hurt even it was a dream-my head, my chest), I was still concious.  I felt regreted for doing so and at the end I just resignedly for being dead.  Then I woke up.  Astagfirullahalazim !

Ya Allah, don't make me think about it at all.  I'm afraid. T__T
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